Understanding and Addressing Distress Tolerance: A Closer Look

Distress tolerance is the ability to manage emotional pain and difficult situations without unhealthy coping. It means accepting and withstanding discomfort instead of avoiding it. This ability to tolerate distress is key to resilience, which is the capacity to bounce back from adversity. Strong distress tolerance skills help manage daily issues, handle major projects, and pursue long-term goals. It fosters effective coping mechanisms, allowing individuals to move forward and build resilience, becoming stronger when facing difficulties.

Distress or discomfort may look like:

• Emotional pain including grief, anger, or loneliness.
• Physical sensations like pain, hunger, or fatigue.
• Challenging situations such as waiting in line, giving a presentation, or having a difficult conversation.

Distress and discomfort are an unavoidable part of life. Having a healthy relationship with discomfort can be beneficial in helping us grow.

Developing strong distress tolerance skills enables us to manage everyday discomforts, such as doing the dishes, tackle major undertakings like large work projects, and even pursue long-term aspirations, such as buying a house. Rather than ignoring or pushing down feelings, distress tolerance focuses on learning effective coping mechanisms for challenging situations and emotions, allowing us to progress forward.

Consider these questions about your relationship with discomfort.

Visualization Exercise for Building Distress Tolerance

Find a quiet and comfortable space where you won’t be disturbed for a few minutes. Close your eyes or soften your gaze.

Step 1: Imagine a Small Discomfort

Think of a minor discomfort you experience regularly. It could be:

• Waiting in a long line.
• Getting a small paper cut.
• Having to listen to a slightly annoying sound.
• Picture this discomfort vividly in your mind. Notice the physical sensations it brings up. Maybe your heart rate increases a bit, or you feel a little restless.

Step 2: Observe Without Judgment

Instead of trying to push the feeling away or change it, just observe it. Acknowledge, “This is the feeling of waiting in line. This is the feeling of a paper cut.” Like a scientist observing an experiment, simply notice what’s happening in your body and mind without judgment.

Step 3: Breathe and Stay Present

Focus on your breath. Inhale deeply, and as you exhale, imagine releasing any tension that arises. Keep returning to your breath whenever your mind starts to wander. Remind yourself, “It’s okay to feel this discomfort. I can stay present with it.”

Step 4: Expand Your Awareness

Now, while still holding the image of the small discomfort, expand your awareness to your whole body. Feel your feet on the ground, the air on your skin, the gentle rise and fall of your chest. Remember that this discomfort is just one part of your experience, not the whole of it.

Step 5: Gradually Increase the Intensity

Once you feel comfortable with the small discomfort, gradually increase the intensity. Imagine a slightly bigger discomfort, perhaps:

• Having to make a phone call you’re nervous about.
• Receiving some constructive criticism.
• Being stuck in traffic.
• Repeat the steps of observing without judgment, staying present with your breath, and expanding your awareness.

Step 6: Reflect and Reward Yourself

After the exercise, take a moment to reflect. How did it feel to stay with the discomfort? What did you learn about your reactions? Be proud of yourself for practicing this valuable skill. Reward yourself with a small treat or some kind words of affirmation.

Remember, this is practice. It’s okay if you find it challenging at first. The more you practice, the better you’ll become at tolerating discomfort and moving through it with greater ease and grace.